Scars of the Past
It has been sometime since I have written on this blog, a lot has changed in the year or so since I have been away, I no longer harm, I have not harmed in nearly a year and a half now and I am the better for it. I still bear the scars of my years of harming but now they serve as a reminder of a tough time in my life, I am not embarrassed by them and I do not hide them anymore, they are a part of me and as much as I would like them gone it is unlikely that they ever will. I have made peace with the past, took it out of its box, dealt with it and put it away for good, sometime I still hear the lid tapping and the little monsters try to get out but I am stronger then they are and I don't let them win. Life is a battle, every aspect and it is up to the individual to decide who they want to be the survivor or the victim.
posted by John @ 10:11 PM
19 comments
19 Comments:
congrats on the stopping with the si. i hope to some day be at that point in my life. it scares me half to death to think that i may be 90 years old and still doing this to myself
http://save-ireland.blogspot.com/
http://save-ireland.blogspot.com/
http://save-ireland.blogspot.com/
!!!
Congratulations on moving away from self-injury, and thanks for linking to LifeSIGNS.
We've been blogging loads recently, and with Self-Injury Awarness Day approaching, we've got loads of new Factsheets to download - www.lifesigns.org.uk
We'll miss your voice if you leave the blog world John, but do what's best for you and keep seeking health and happiness.
Thankyou for your blog and thankyou for the update on how your getting on.
congratulations John. Self-injury is one of the most challenging struggles a person can overcome. I hope you are proud of yourself, you have every right to be. Although I have stopped self-injuring I have yet to regain the strength not to be ashamed of my scars. Once again congratulations.
I hav just started cutting. I am just turning 14 and my grades rnt to good in skool. So my parents send me to a shrink/tudor EVERY SINGLE DAY I DONT HAVE SOMETHING ELSE GOING ON. extreme pressure... i only cut because in my mind it feels lk im actually hurting them, not me. I hav no intention of killing myself and i dont want help.
Great for you...and great for you sharing this. Your experiences will help others who still hide and struggle!
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It really is heart warming to see people come out the "other side" of this. So many of us think that we cannot be happy and that things cannot improve. I am always glad to see people who fight and win this battle!
im glad that u dont cut anymore,
ive read this and realy liked it, it seems like im not alone and that if other people can over come cutting then so can i.
Well done, I'm still cutting free for this year. So far so good, gives me hope that things could be different. We'll see.
http://www.fancorps.com/towriteloveonherarms/view/20612|73168.jpg
yes it is good to hear about people who have stopped sh as i am finding it extremely difficult. well done to those of you who give hope.
Dear John,
Hello, I hope you are well. I’m contacting you from online charity YouthNet as I’ve been reading your blog and about how you overcame self-harm. I must say, I think you’ve been so brave, and writing the blog must have helped a lot of people in the same position.
I was reading it because YouthNet have recently sent up an online resource to help young people affected by self-harm. We’re trying to reach as many people as possible, and we created it because there wasn’t any online support which was sufficient to reach the people that need it. Our recent survey showed 43% of young people would turn to the internet as a first port of call for advice.
I know you don’t write your blog so much these days, but I wondered if you’d take a look at the www.TheSite.org/selfharm and see what you thought. If you like it, maybe you could direct others to go there too and get some good advice. If you don’t want to write about it, maybe you could just add a link to the list of other charities you have on your home page?
We’ve had some coverage for this – it was on GMTV the day it launched and (hopefully) it’s going to be on Five News this afternoon. I’ve included our recent press release below, as I thought it might be interesting, but let me know if you want any more information.
Thanks for your help and sorry to leave this as a comment – I couldn’t see your email address.
Gabriella
020 7250 5718
media@youthnet.org
PRESS RELEASE
Release embargo: 00:01 Monday 2 March 09005
One in five young people have self-harmed
and many families and friends are ill-equipped to provide them with support
More than one in five 16 to 24 year-olds (21%) have self harmed, according to the results of a survey launched today (Monday 2 March) by youth mental health charity 42nd Street, youth homelessness charity Depaul UK and online communications charity YouthNet.
The YouGov survey of over 2,000 people aged16 and over also indicates that friends and family of people who self-harm may be giving well intentioned but potentially harmful advice, because of a poor understanding of the best ways to provide support.
Key survey findings include:
• More than half (57%) of the 16 to 24-year-olds surveyed knew someone who has self-harmed in the past
• 42% of 16 to 24-year-olds surveyed agreed with the statement ‘I am confident I could give good advice to someone I discovered was self-harming’
• However, a third (32%) of 16 to 24-year-olds said that their first reaction to discovering that someone close to them was self-harming would be to ask them to stop - advice that experts say is understandable but could be counterproductive as it can place unrealistic emotional demands on the person
• Almost a third (30%) of respondents aged 25 and over agreed with the statement ‘I am confident I could give good advice to someone I discovered was self-harming’
• Almost one in five respondents aged 25 and over (18%) said that their first reaction on discovering someone close to them was self-harming, would be to ask them to stop.
The results come as the group of youth charities launch an awareness and marketing drive aimed at young people affected by self-harm, to raise awareness of the advice and information available on YouthNet’s guide to life for 16 to 24-year-olds, TheSite.org, at www.TheSite.org/selfharm.
Paul Marriot, Chief Executive of Depaul UK says: “A number of the young people we work with on a daily basis are dealing with self-harm issues. Usually, young people who self-harm do so as a way of coping with complex and difficult situations and although it’s understandable that a parent, friend or carer’s instinct would be to try and stop the person from self-harming, it’s actually the issues behind it that need addressing, not the physical aspect of what the person is doing to themselves.”
The online survey also found that few young people considered GPs as a source of information on the issue, with only one in ten young people surveyed (15%) saying that a medical professional would be the first place they would go to for advice about self-harm. However, 43% of this age group cited the internet as their first port of call.
Over a third, (38%) of respondents over the age of 25 said that they would go to ‘a medical professional’ for advice and information first.
Psychotherapist and TheSite.org self-harm expert and advisor, Andrea Scherzer, says: “Traditional methods of accessing health information are losing favour with a younger generation who are used to gathering information online, anonymously and instantly.
“This is why it’s essential that factual, accessible, advice on mental health and self-harm is made available online, allowing young people affected, and those around them, to get a real understanding of the issues and the best way to provide and access support.”
The new self-harm resource (launched in January 2009) is hosted on YouthNet’s guide to life for 16 to 24-year-olds, TheSite.org (at www.TheSite.org/selfharm) and provides detailed information on the subject through podcasts, video, written articles, real-life stories and case studies. Young people can also support, and gain support from, other young people through specialist discussion boards moderated by the charities. Professional advice is available via a confidential question and answer service and a series of live chats.
Vera Martins, Director of 42nd Street says: “Self-harm is a highly emotive issue and is often misunderstood. It is something that most people struggle to understand and talk about. Young people who self-harm are often perceived as ‘attention seekers’ - we wish to challenge this kind of a stereotype and other myths connected to self-harm by raising awareness, creating an environment where people can talk about it openly and are aware of the help and support available.”
Anyone concerned about someone who is self-harming can follow TheSite.org’s clear and simple advice:
• Despite how distressed you might feel after having discovered or suspected your friend or relative is self-harming, try to focus on listening to them and what they are feeling and what kind of support they might need, rather than immediately reacting to the self-destructive behaviour itself
• Self-harm is a sign that something is wrong. It is usually a response to emotional distress and for some young people it is an important coping mechanism. So even if you feel shocked, try to speak with the person about your concerns in a calm and respectful way
• Don't make them promise not to do it again. A guilt trip won't help anyone. It can even make things worse, so try not to place emotional demands on them they probably won't be able to keep
• It's a positive step if someone has managed to open up to you, but getting help from a trained counsellor or health professional is important. Encourage them to seek specialist help and offer to go with them if they're worried about doing it alone. TheSite.org/selfharm is a good first step
• Make sure you get support too – It is distressing for you too so make sure you get the help you need in order to support your friend or relative.
Visit www.TheSite.org/selfharm for more information or advice.
Ends/
Other key results from the survey include:
Which if any of the following apply to you? [Please tick all that apply] Gender Gender Age 2
Base Male Female 16 to 24 25+
Unweighted Base 2098 1007 1091 243 1855
ALL GB Adults (16+) 2098 1022 1076 311 1787
I currently self-harm 1% 0% 1% 1% 0%
I have self-harmed in the past 7% 4% 11% 21% 5%
I know someone who currently self-harms 5% 3% 7% 8% 5%
I know someone who has self-harmed in the past 33% 32% 34% 57% 29%
I have never known anyone who self-harms 56% 59% 54% 21% 63%
Prefer not to say 3% 3% 2% 6% 2%
If you discovered that someone close to you was self-harming what would your FIRST reaction be?
Unweighted Base 2098 1007 1091 243 1855
ALL GB Adults (16+) 2098 1022 1076 311 1787
I would ask them to stop 20% 25% 15% 32% 18%
I would tell them I know, but not give any advice 10% 8% 12% 7% 10%
I would not approach them about it 4% 4% 4% 6% 3%
I would seek advice on their behalf 42% 37% 46% 28% 45%
Something else 12% 11% 12% 17% 11%
Don't know 13% 14% 11% 11% 13%
To what extent do you agree or disagree with each of the following statements? [Please tick one option on each horizontal row]
I wouldn't know where to go for help if I discovered someone close to me was self-harming
Unweighted Base 2098 1007 1091 243 1855
Base 2098 1022 1076 311 1787
Strongly agree 9% 10% 9% 8% 10%
Agree 26% 27% 25% 27% 26%
Neither agree nor disagree 19% 20% 17% 20% 19%
Disagree 30% 28% 31% 28% 30%
Strongly disagree 13% 10% 15% 11% 13%
Don't know 3% 4% 2% 6% 3%
I am confident I could give good advice to someone I discovered was self-harming
Unweighted Base 2098 1007 1091 243 1855
ALL GB Adults (16+) 2098 1022 1076 311 1787
Strongly agree 6% 6% 6% 10% 6%
Agree 25% 27% 24% 32% 24%
Neither agree nor disagree 30% 28% 32% 25% 31%
Disagree 23% 22% 24% 18% 24%
Strongly disagree 9% 10% 8% 7% 9%
Don't know 6% 6% 5% 8% 6%
And if you needed information or advice about self-harming where would you go FIRST?
Unweighted Base 2098 1007 1091 243 1855
ALL Online GB Adults (16+) 2098 1022 1076 311 1787
A medical professional 35% 34% 35% 15% 38%
A friend or relative 6% 6% 6% 15% 4%
The internet 40% 40% 39% 43% 39%
Books or magazines 0% 0% 0% 1% 0%
A telephone helpline 5% 4% 6% 2% 6%
A trusted professional (e.g. teacher, youth worker, counsellor) 7% 7% 7% 12% 6%
Somewhere/ someone else 2% 1% 2% 2% 2%
Not applicable - I would never seek information or advice about self-harming 2% 2% 1% 3% 2%
Don't know 4% 6% 3% 8% 4%
Media Enquiries:
For further media information on YouthNet or the new self-harm resource please contact Sarah Wilson at YouthNet on 020 7250 5716 or out-of-hours on 07766 660 755. Email media@youthnet.org
For further information on 42nd Street please contact Vera Martin on 0161 8320169 or email theteam@fortysecondstreet.org.uk
For further information on Depaul UK please contact Rachel Slade on 0207 939 1280 or rachel.slade@depauluk.org
Notes to Editors
• All figures, unless otherwise stated, are from YouGov Plc. Total sample size was 2098 adults aged 16+. Fieldwork was undertaken between 20 and 23 February 2009. The survey was carried out online. The figures have been weighted and are representative of all GB adults (aged 16+).
• 42nd Street is a Manchester based charity with a national reputation for innovative work in the field of young people’s mental health. Founded in 1980, the agency is a specialist provider of support services to young people experiencing mental health problems including extensive experience of providing advice, information and therapeutic services to young people who self harm. 42nd Street has developed a strong track record in providing training on working with self harm and has published several books on the subject. www.fortysecondstreet.org.uk
• YouthNet is the UK’s first exclusively online charity and was founded by Martyn Lewis CBE in 1995. It aims to create a socially inclusive environment where all young adults are engaged, informed and inspired. YouthNet does this through two award winning websites, the online guide to life for 16 to 24-year-olds, TheSite.org, and the UK’s leading volunteering website, do-it.org.uk.
• Depaul UK helps young people who are homeless, vulnerable and disadvantaged. They protect young people who become homeless by finding them a place to call their home. Each year they provide over 100,000 bed nights and are open every day and night. They prevent young people from becoming homeless by rebuilding family relationships and offering through the gate support to young offenders and they provide young people with the chance to fulfil their potential in the community through education, volunteering, training and jobs. Since starting in 1989, Depaul UK has made a difference to over 45,000 young people. www.depauluk.org
• In 2004 the Camelot Foundation and the Mental Health Foundation launched a National Inquiry into self-harm among young people. http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/publications/?EntryId5=38712 They worked to draw this hidden problem into the light; to understand it as thoroughly as possible and to identify how young people can be helped and supported to find less damaging ways of dealing with their distress. Thesite.org/selfharm is the result of the Camelot Foundation’s funding to provide a real, powerful and permanent resource for young people suffering from self-harm.
• Funds for this project are distributed by the National Children's Bureau (NCB). NCB has previously hosted a useful website on self-harm and has contributed content to the new Thesite.org/selfharm. NCB’s mission is to advance the well-being of all children and young people across every aspect of their lives. As a membership and infrastructure support agency for the children’s sector in England and Northern Ireland, NCB provides essential information on policy, research and best practice for our members and the members of our wide range of partnership bodies which operate under our charitable status and are based in our London headquarters. For further information visit www.ncb.org.uk
Most of my friends self harm because they have had bad lives and relationships but i have to but listening to there problems had mad me cut my self a little bit im soooo scared because i don't want to be a self harmer
I was wondering if there are any positives to self-mutilation or self-"harm". Particularly thoughts of self-flaggellation that religious people would engage in come to mind. I was also wondering if there were healthy ways to change self-"injury" into some kind of risky, yet rewarding action? The example that comes to mind for me is [somewhat] reckless skateboarding I would do - I enjoyed just throwing myself around a lot, partly as an outlet for depression. There are clearly people who self-harm and have a problem with it, but I was wondering if it is possible to self-harm in a constructive way. I guess everyone needs to ask themselves how they are to deal with their feelings in a loving way.
Great job!!
Glad to see this blog.
About Ireland
Hi. I was reading about self-injury and I think I've got it. I gnaw and, sometimes, I cut my finger-tips. The sensation of relaxation is quick. I know it is unhealthy, but it looks like I will never be able to stop with it. I also know it happens due to my sexual position -- I'm gay, but don't want to be marked socially as a queen or fag. Will people be the same with me after my revelation? Well, I don't know and it causes me a lot of anxiety and, then, self-injury. I shouldn't care about others' opinion, though. I need to grow up and live my life as I want to, not as people expect to. I must face my problems, nothing is too easy. Self-injury won't take me anywhere, the relief's transitory.
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