How do I know if I'm ready to stop?

I posted this a while back but I never gave credit to the person who wrote it, Deb Martinson, thank you for a great article and for letting me post it.

Deciding to stop self-injury is a very personal decision. You may have to consider it for a long time before you decide that you're ready to commit to a life without scars and bruises. Don't be discouraged if you conclude the time isn't right for you to stop yet; you can still exert more control over your self-injury by choosing when and how much you harm yourself, by setting limits for your self-harm, and by taking responsibility for it. If you choose to do this, you should take care to remain safe when harming yourself: don't share cutting implements and know basic first aid for treating your injuries.
Alderman (1997) suggests this useful checklist of things to ask yourself before you begin walking away from self-harm. It isn't necessary that you be able to answer all of the questions "yes," but the more of these things you can set up for yourself, the easier it will be to stop hurting yourself.
While it is not necessary that you meet all of these criteria before stopping SIV, the more of these statements that are true for you before you decide to stop this behavior, the better.

I have a solid emotional support system of friends, family, and/or professionals that I can use if I feel like hurting myself.

There are at least two people in my life that I can call if I want to hurt myself.

I feel at least somewhat comfortable talking about SIV with three different people.

I have a list of at least ten things I can do instead of hurting myself.

I have a place to go if I need to leave my house so as not to hurt myself.

I feel confident that I could get rid of all the things that I might be likely to use to hurt myself.

I have told at least two other people that I am going to stop hurting myself.

I am willing to feel uncomfortable, scared, and frustrated.

I feel confident that I can endure thinking about hurting myself without having to actually do so.

I want to stop hurting myself.

Trust Issues

On Friday night a friends of mine from Liverpool came home for the weekend, I had not seen him since Christmas and it is always a ritual with us to go on the gay scene everytime he is home to catch up. I don't generally go out on the gay scene in Dublin as I have no gay friends living over here and it is depressing going out on your own. I left the house and for the first time in a long time I felt really good, I felt I looked good and felt very confident and at ease with myself, in my mind I knew I had no interest in meeting anybody but if it happened that would be fine.
We had a really good time and a great catch up, we went to all the bars and finally ended up in the George, probable the oldest gay bar in the city and I find that the place never changes and it is always the same old faces. I got a lot of attention but I really was not interested in hooking up with anyone, I was having a good time and I think that is what people where seeing.
The last time I was out on the scene I met a guy and was very attracted to him and he seemed very interested in me, we texted each other for a while and I kept pressing him for a meeting but alias he was involved with someone else and I decided to call it quits. I meet him again on Friday and he was all over me like a rash but I found myself so turned of by him because I knew I couldn't trust him if I was to start anything up with him.
The whole gay scene is so seedy, I am not saying their are not nice guys out there but they are just really hidden and I think it would take me a long time to trust anybody I was planning on getting into a relationship with but it doesn't bother me that much not being in a relationship as I have a good family, great friends and Holly and I think that is more than enough for the moment.
On the way home I got a taxi and told him my destination, I proceeded to fall asleep in the cab and when I awoke I found he had brough me to the other side of the city, I asked him where he had brought me and I was in Booterstown, he insisted that I told him to bring me there, when we finally arrived at my house the fare was 40 euro. I told him there was no way I was paying it and he threatened to bring me to the police station, I said fine and he could explain how he brought me to the other side of the city instead where I told him. He than said I could give him 30 and call it quits but I refused, I told him it usually costs me about 12 euro and that is all I was willing to pay, he threatened me again with the cops and I told him that the nearest cop shop was down the road, I was not budging and there was no way I was going to let him rip me off. I felt very empowered and eventually he agreed to the fare, It was good standing up to him, he was just trying to take advantage of me because I was a little tipsy but he picked on the wrong guy. On Saturday I slept most of the day and it was the first lie on I have gotten on my holiday.
It has been a good week, I have got a lot done and Holly has become my shadow as she has been with me 24/7, I love that pup.

And I Am Off

I am off work now until next Monday, I had planned to take a couple of days off towards the end of the week but decided today I have had enough and had a word with my boss. I just told him I was very stressed due to the heavy work load and would need to take holidays effective immediately and he agreed. Already tomorrow has been taken up by bringing my mother to the hospital, she had a fall the other day, I arrived home from work to find he on the ground in the yard cut and bleeding. She is Ok but suffers from high blood pressure and she took a dizzy spell and blacked out, she was worried she'd broke her toe but it seems to be getting better so tomorrow will be just a check up.
I am looking forward to just waking up tomorrow knowing I don't have to get up even though Holly will still expect me to get up at the usual time she is one creature I have no problem getting out of bed for.
I was due to be going over to see a friend in Liverpool this weekend but as I have my future brother in laws stags in two week I decided to keep my money till then.

Frustration

I am feeling a lot of frustration at the moment due to the fact that everytime I feel I am getting somewhere I end up getting knocked back. I am doing the best I can and I realise what I am doing is not easy, I realise that there will always be bad things that will happen to me just the same as bad things happen to everybody but the bad things always seem to come as a barrage.
I sometimes feel their is a negative force working against me, that new things are created in my life to test me and wear me down and at the moment I am feeling very worn out. I am really fatigued from work and have not had a break in a long time and to add to it my home life is very stressful and I have no social life. I always believed that there are four aspects to your life, work life, social life, Love life and home life, all four either are really bad or just don't exist at the moment.
I never get any time to myself, everybody always seems to want my time to do something for them or to generally catch up and sometimes I feel like just ignoring the phone and eventually cutting everybody out of my life. The problem is that I am not assertive enough to say no, if I ever do say no I am made to feel like I am the worst person in the word.
On Wednesday night I went to bed at 9pm and cried my heart out, a really painful and heart felt cry and all for no a apparent reason, it just started and once it did I was unable to control it that is until there was a knock on the door asking if I was ok and I had to stop. I really felt I needed it and it would have been a great relief to continue and get it all out but no such luck. That may have been the night I started to really let things go and move on but the gods where once again conspiring against me.
Though through this all I still have not harmed yet, I feel that is not a major achievement but it is a step in the right direction.

Fighting Demons

Things have been quite tough in the last few weeks and I am at the stage of thinking that harming may help me get through it a bit better, my life is a bit of a groundhog day and I constantly seem to be wishing the days away. At the moment when I am trying to be positive I find myself surrounded by negative people, everyone I seem to talk to is moaning about things and in my opinion they have nothing to moan about. I would love to run away and start a new life afresh, change my name and start over. My life consists of work work work at the moment, everytime I seem to think I may have an opportunity to get away something happens financially and I can no longer afford it. My head is just torn at the moment and the demons seem to be raising there heads again, I am sick of the constant inner battle and feel it would be easier just to give in.
What can I do? this is the hand I have been dealt and it is up to me and me alone to deal with.