As You May Have Noticed...

As you may have noticed in the last while I have not been blogging all that much, the reason I am not so sure of but I think I have realized that the blogging has done me as much harm since I started as it has done good for others. I think as beneficial as it has been to others it is probable not the best idea to write down every though on the web that people that are close to you even people you thought where close to you can read, it is a scary thought knowing that people around you know so much about your life.
I started the blog as a positive step on my road through self harm and I am now at a point in my life where I think I have passed the harming phase, I have worked through a lot off issues in the last 8 months and resolved a lot of personal issues that have always held me back. I have been hurt and betrayed by people I thought close to me and now realize that they are the ones who obviously have there own issues that they have to live with and resolve.
In regards to the blog I am really not sure what to do, whether to just stop or keep going, at this point I am really not sure what else to say. I don't harm anymore so that means I have nothing to talk about on this topic anymore, I will have to give it some serious consideration over the next while.

Sia - Breathe Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me, I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found
Yeah, I think I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me, I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me, I am small and needy
Warm me up and breathe me

And on and on and on.....

I have not been blogging to much in the last while due to work pressures and the general paranoia of feeling that I am going mad, well not really but sometime I get myself so worked up that that is the way I feel. I am quite exhausted at the moment due to damn hard work and generally not having a break since last year but I suppose that is my own fault for being so easy going with the people I work with.
Last week I reached the end of my rope and made a complaint about the other people I work with to my boss, I generally felt that they where not pulling there weight and were basically leaving me to do all the work by myself. After several arguments with them over this and not actually getting anywhere I decided I had no choice but to have a word with the boss. I don't like doing this and I felt bad but I thought that they don't obviously give a damn about me so why should I reciprocate. The outcome was one getting a written warning and the other getting a good talking to but as of this week nothing has really changed. My job consists of Graphic design and being the warehouse manager and both jobs are extremely busy at the moment, I love being busy but there is a limit to how much you can do in any one day.
I worry about how all this stress will effect my recovery, I am trying to avoid stress as much as I can and eliminate most things in my life that are causing me stress but unfortunately people hate to see you succeed and tend to go out of the way to piss you off.
Overall I have been feeling a bit down in the last while, I have not harmed and have not really contemplated it but it is hard sometime when the coping mechanism is taken away. Hopefully I may get a chance to get away for a while next month even if it is only to the countryside it would be something.

Exam Stress

This is the time of year when the exam stress is on for a large majority of teens, a lot of teen use harm to deal with stress so it is safe to assume that there will be a lot of harming going on. When I was that age I did not care about exams, I did not do great but I got by as I believed I had enough pressure without adding more to it.
It is getting harder these days to get by without a good education and with the added pressures from parent for you to do well the stress will be really on if you do not know how to handle it. At the end of the day exams can be retaken if you don't get the desired result.
Below is a link on how to avoid exam stress, it is worth a read:
http://www.childline.org.uk/Examstress.asp